YOURE LIFE WITH RON WEASLEY! Commentary
by Nikita Morrowind
Summary: Read at the risk of your own brain cells. I decided to run a commentary on it :  Please read, and review if you think you can handle the horror that is... 'Your Life With Ron Weasley'. CHAPTER 12 NOW UP.
1. Chapter 1

I found this the other day… After reading My Immortal, I found this. Dear God – it's like the same person! This chick _has_ to be related to Tara Gilespie… 

I was feeling particularly masochistic today, so I decided to make a commentary for it.

Aothors note; ok! Leik sooo high guyz!dis iz my now fanficton!so it is caled: You're life with Ron Wesley! 'You are life with Ron Wesley'. This is going to be 'liek' fantastic T.T

Sooooo leik im a hugeeeee harry potter fan! *Cough* Well, we'll see about that… I think dat Rupert grift is totally the hawtest guy evar! ^_^ Hmm…. Again – another ridiculous celebrity crush? And she ISN'T related to Tara?

I leik love how his hair iz like red, and it leik gos over his eyes alittle. And I liek totally can't take much more of this… It gets worse. It makes him look alittle emo, but nawt 2 emo so its god! As nice as I think his hair is – it's not quite at the level that I would quite call it 'God'…

BTW, a luv emo boiz there sooooooooo hawt and coot! Im also emo! I cutt my rist sumtimes, and I just died my hair blak! Itz really really really coot! You sound incredibly depressed…

Ok! Sooooooooooo I should probly start da story now1! Looololloll. You even failed at writing 'lololol'?

~~~~~~~~~~~~!

I just woke up! I puled bak the curtins an outcide I c the sunbeem coming thu my window! "Itz a nice day out" I say. First person viewpoint? Check.

I taik of my pijuamas. Unsure whether that was supposed to be pyjamas or marijuana…  I waz sleping in a verry coot blak top. It was kind of like a spots bra butt a litle lunger cuz im not a slut lol.*cough* sorry – something in my throat today… Then I taik of my pijamas. They where blak to! And they r realy comforty … becuz they r flufy!

IM GOING 2 NOT DECRIBE MYSELF NACKED BECUZ THTS GROSSE! DNT THINK ABOUT THAT! …Then _why _did you mention it?

After I put on my new clothers I feeled very comforty! Ill explain wat I wpre! (I wont explane my underware becuz I think thts grose lol0 Again – you said it, not me...

I had new shoes on! I just bout them yesterday wit the money my parets sent me for fun! They were leik sports runing shoes (except I hate! Exercise!) Gotta love random punctuation marks…? they were blak with pink laces! Verry veryy coott! Every1 told me thiey where jealus of them becuz they cost a lot of money! (pplz were loking at them in the story 4ever in hogmeadas so I told my parnts abought them n they sent me the money 2 by them b4 any1 else could! Rich and spoiled… Check) (ooo! I go to Hogwarts btw, becuz I dnt think I mentioned it yet!1)

Then 4 my pants I wore lather. (they where blak 2!) my bum lookd very nice in them becuz pplz tell me my but is VERRRYY nicelol! Good figure/body and she knows it… Check

My shirt was blak 2 but wit like sum pink skuls like one the buttom a rond the hole shit! …Quoi? It waz very coot! Say 'coot'… one… more… time… 

Soooooooo! When I finshed geting dresed I waked down the stairzzz! I entred the slythrin commun room an then pplz turned to stair at me! Every1 told me I was butiful! Heaps of compliments from the common people of the world… Check. Maybe it's just me, but… Is anyone else noticing a pattern here…?

Sooooooooo many nice complimonts lololololol!

So I told them I aprecated it an then walked out of the commun room down 2 the gate hall! Hogwarts has a 'Gate Hall'?

While I was eating my creal (witch (lolololol get it? Oh, dear God… Remind you of anyone? GEDDIT? o.0) was rice crispries) some1 taped the bak of my shulder! I turned arond. 'im trying 2 eat her!'Cannibalism, anyone? I scramed at the persone becuz whoever it was is veryyyyyyyy rude to intrupt me whale im eating I thought you were eating 'rice crispries'…!

But when I saw who I was stairing at I forgot al about my angre!

2 b continued ! (tell me wat u think! 33333333333)

I'm just going to keep posting these… I don't really mind if anyone reads them or not 


	2. Chapter 2

an: ok! so i am NAWT happy with wat sum pplz said about me in the review secton! not nice! ok so sum1 caled me a TROLL! *cough* wonder why…?ummmmmmmmm u neva even saw a pic of me b4 idot so how do u no wat i look liek? hmmmmmm? HMMMMM!/ Something tells me you don't know what a 'troll' is… *gasp* Shocking…

clue: u dnt! Writing us a clue about what you made completely obvious a second ago is unnecessary…

also, another newsflash pplz, NO1 TALKS WITH PROPRE GRAMAR ON THE INTERNET! no1 no1 no1! if u do then u r just pathtic. lololololololol u nerds! This is FANFICTION. A site for people to write STORIES, not text messages.

then sum1 said my story waz a joke, or sumthing like that! OBVIOUSLY ITS NOT REEL! The world would be a horrifying place if it was… its , I DNT OWN THE CHARCTERS1

ok, so here is te rest of my storY! Yesss! Last chapter? (welll da next part :PPPPPP) T.T Dammit

there waz a boy there! a super super coot Nooo! boy. he had red haor that kind of went over his eyes, but not REALY. He was waring a school robe (and it was a satuday so there wasnt even scool that day! he was sooooooooo dedicated1!) He looked SUPER SEXIIIII! like so sexy. You've made that clear, darling.He allso had a pare of skiny jeans on! i could KIND of c his bump (ok now get the pic out of ur head becuz thats grosse!) Then WHY did you WRITE IT…?

"hey how r u?" he said. his voice was soooo sexiii! It was liek sum1 had taken melted buter and poured it all down my body! … That's nice… sooo sexi. and then i talekd back:

"Good" i said. Your use of spectacular vocabulary to verify your already obvious intelligence was inspiring.

"Thts good!" he said bac and then walked away. Another poet in the making. I watched him walk way until i seen where he was goig.

"OH MY FUK! HES A GRIFINDOR!" i screamed as i through my toast at a gressy hared boi in front of me. he waz realy grosse with greesy hair and pimpels all over his face. And THAT'S your reason for throwing food at him…? EWWWWWWW! (He was only a third year tho so i guesse most 3d years go thrugh that problem. well i didnt, neiter did my friend (who ull meeet soon i think! lololol (that was a clue 4 the future of the story!1 "WINK WINK!") and evry1 said we had prefect skin! More random compliments from other people who think they're just SO gorgeous… Check)

O, anyway, so after i screamed and though the toast at the grosse boy i stood up and stormed out of the hall. thats when i met my friend, Rose Delcure (she is relatted 2 flere from the movies! she is her first cousin) Flere Delcure?

Rose was very very beutiful (although pplz said that i was prettier Of course) she had blunde hair tht she wore with bengs over 1 eye. (her left eye so ur rite eye And we needed this information?) she also wore eyeliner (liek kind of thick stuff but not 2 thik. just the perfect ammount. (rose is very good at puting on makup) This day she had on a emo shirt tht said "im emo' with a broken hart Why would this emo be going around with a shirt announcing the fact?. and skinny jeans, and coot T.T shoes. she looked very hawt!

"hi Tahirah" (thts my name!) We hadn't known her name up until this point…

"hi rose" i siad bac

"how r u" rose said bac

"good" i said bac

"thats good" rose said bac What scintillating conversations.

"omg guess wat rose!" i scremed

"wat" rose said exctiedly

"i saw a realy coot boi in the grate hall. he said hi to me!" i said Because having someone that GOES TO YOUR SCHOOL greet you is something to scream about…

"omg omg omg! wat did he look liek?" rose said jumping on her feet. As opposed to jumping on her hands?

"he had red hair and it went over 1 of his eyes! and he was wearing realy realy realy hawt clothes! like skiny jeans. his bum was prefect!" i said bac 2 rose

"OMG! he is RON WEASLEY" (an: oh! yea, i never new rons last name had a a in it But I thought you were obsessed with him? And you can't spell his name?!i thout u pplz were ling Translation: Lying. It took me a while to figure that out, sadly.but i googled it and u where rite! srry, i wil change the title of the story if i can!)rose yelled at me

"who" i asked bac 2 rose

"he is this REALY REALY REALY hawt emo tht all the girls LUV LUV LUV. me too of corse! but whenever a girl tryes 2 talk 2 him heliek dsnt talk bac and he like just walks away! ur sooooo lucky tht he talked 2 u!" rose scramed

"OMG!" i scramed

"OMG!" rose screamed bac No one nearby is disconcerted by this conversation? And, of course, the random screaming?

"But wait!" i said stopping scream

"wat" rose asked

"hes in grifindor And it's illegal for you to go out with him because of this?" i said bac with a tear roling down my cheak. All you know about the guy is that he's emo and 'hawt'. The conversation that you've had with him so far is 'hey how are you?' 'Good' 'That's good.'. Why are you crying…?

"omg! i 4got" rose said bac and she stated to cry 2. And _you've_ never even spoken to the guy!

"he was perfect beside tht 2" i yelled angy hehe angy…

"i no" rose said bac

so then me and rose went bac 2 the commum room and cut Cut what? and sat and cired in our beds cause we where sad. so we staied there the rest of the day Again – one of you have had a three-sentence conversation with the guy, and the other hasn't even spoken to him!. we even cut ourselfs a little near the end of the day becuz it suced. ron weasley semed perfect BESIDES THE FACT THT HE WAS A GRIFINDOR!

why did he have 2 b a grifindor? *unnecessary rhetorical question* 

2 b continued!

tell me wat u think!


	3. Chapter 3

An; so u pplz are still saying i look liek a troll  I don't think anyone said you LOOKED like a troll. when NONE OF U HAVE EVER SEEN A PIC OF ME B4. wow i thout this plcae was supose 2 b mature Ah, the irony of that statement…. i guess nawt RIGHT. sure i may b a little overwait but NOT MUCH no more thn a normal grl my age. so stuf PLZ ok That sentence made no sense.

and i allready told u no1 uses gramar on the internet, ITS THE INTERNET. omg. u pplz r so retarted. lol. retards. *Retard and proud of it*

so, here i the rest of my story!

i woke up the next moning (which was sunday becuz the day b4 was saturday becuz they had no lcasses so tht makes 2day sunday! I have a feeling this is going to be painful.) my rists where sore becuz i was cuting them all day yestreday with rose You said you cut them a little in the afternoon. Not all day. there was dired up blod all over my rist but i didnt care. i hated the fact tht ron weasley was in grifindor. IT MADE ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MADDDDD! he was soooo perfet 4 me, becuz he was emo and i was emo. You think that someone is perfect for you simply because you're both emo? but i dnt date wuld b a betryal of slitherin. so i got out of my pijamas (wich where: blak slky pijama patns and a bagy t-shirt whicg was blac wit broken harts and skuls al over it becuz i was soooo sad becuz of how ron was a grifiondor nd so i wore tht tshit becuz it was an emo tshirt and thts why i wore it! "So I wore it because it was emo and that's why I wore it." My dear, you have the writing ability of a 6-year old. Actually, no. My six-year old cousin writes better than you.)

I chaged into: a vry lowcut mini shirt. A mini-shirt you say? That's new. it was made of lather and was super super super sexi. i also put on vry long blac soncks with skuls on them. then i put on a tshirt that was tight and shoewd of my braest … In the singular? MONOBOOB! realy realty good. (but dnt look there becuz thts disgusting ok! Then why wear the damn shirt?) it had on whit skuls and pink buterflys coming frm the skuls Pink butterflies? You are emo, right?. it was realy COOT … ! finnaly i put on my shos tht i got tht every1 else wanted. i looked super super coot in the miror!

when i had finshed chaning i walked don 2 the slitherin commumm room. pplz turned 2 star at me when i walked down Because you just looked so 'coot', right?. but i igored all of them nad walked over 2 rose who was siting in the conor by the fireplace. she loked sad so i never said anything but just sat next 2 her.

finnaly after wht seemed liek 4EVER rose finnaly spoek!

"im so sad tht ron is a grifindoer" she said

"i no me 2" i said bac

"hes soooo coot 2" rose said bac

"i no, hes is coot" i said bac

"i just wish he culd ba slitherin" rose said bac

"i no, me 2" i said bac Wonderful - more scintillating conversation.

"i think i ned 2 cut my rist agin" rose said finnaly after liek 2 minets of not saying anyhing. OMG-liek, 2 minets?

"me 2" i said bac

so rose and i got razors frm ur roms and we used them 2 cut iurselves on ur rist. it hurt but it felt good qat the same time becuz he made us releise ur pain. we cut urselves all moruing untill lunch time. And after slitting your wrists for a few hours, you can simply walk down to lunch? 

when it was finnaly lunch time me an roe went down 2 the great hall and to eat lunch. 4 lunch i dediced 2 have:

chickne and fires and orange juice ad a cookie 4 desert and stuf liek that. it was realy good. *wince*

but, after i ate it all i didn fell good becuz i was still sad tht ron was a grifindor. i told rose this and she sad tht i was 2 good 4 him and tht it was his lost so i said:

"ur rite" i said And this astonishing information was so important that you couldn't write it normally?

and then 2gheter me and rose walked out of the great hall 2gheter and we where kind of hapier than b4 becuz now i new i was 2 good 4 ron Just simply by Rose telling you you're too good for him, you're suddenly feeling all sunshine and roses?. but, just as we where exciting the great hall You were exciting the Great Hall? What did you do for entertainment?we saw a flsh of red hair and herd a hot, sexii, sweat, beutiful voice. liek the voice of a angle. The voice of an angle? Acute or obtuse?

"h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hiiiiiii Tahirah" he said. I'm curious- was he actually stuttering, or was he singing? And his voice still sounds like an 'angle's' while he's stuttering?

i locked up and saw tht it was ron. rose gave a litle screem an then ran away out the great hall dors 2 the outside. Why? i was all along with ron.

"ohh, hi ... grifindor" i said making my voice s evil as posible 2 make him relise tht i ddnt like gifidors Well, if you don't like 'gifidors' why are you getting angry at a 'grifindor'? And where are these new houses coming from? WHAT HAPPENED TO GRIFFINDOR?. but it was hard 2 make an evil voice becuz he was so hot and sexii.

"i no tht ur a slitherin and im a grifindor and ussualy we pplz dnt get along well." ron said

i said nothing.

"but, ive beem asked out by alot of grls at this school. but ive never been intrested in any of them. they wrnt pritty enuf or they where 2 meen. but, u seem difernent. u seem sweat and nice ?, and ur probly he most beutiful grl ive ever seen as this school *cough* Mary-Sue *cough*." ron said

i said nothing aggin, but a teer was beging 2 roll down my cheak.

"so, Tahirah" ron said

but i ssaid sumthing b4 he could finsh:

"Call me tay" i said trying 2 keep an evil voice but it was hard becuz he was soo coot and sexii. You're telling him in an evil, angry voice to call you by your nickname?

"ok, tay. wuld u liek 2 go out with me." ron said.

"OMG! OMG! OMG!" i scramed

"YES! u r so sexii!" Talk about short-term memory loss? Or are you just THAT powerless against his obvious 'sexiiness' that you forgot that you were cutting your wrists about this all morning and all yesterday? You were also unbelievably angry at him.

ron smiled and 2gether we walked out of the great hall dors! That was so dramatic that it needed an exclamation mark!

2 b continued! (tell me wat u think! but TALK ABOUT MY STORY THIS TIME!)


	4. Chapter 4

An: ok so u pplz r VERY rude. i sugest u fcking stop it RITE NOW. its pathtic! serriousy, pplz saying im ugly, n pplz

saying all kinds of other shit. its horible. i am writing, NO1 CAN STOP ME. OK. IF U DNT LIEK IT THEN DNT READ IT I should take that advice, probably… But I'm feeling masochistic.

IDOTS New technology from Apple! The iDot!! HONETLY U PPLZ R ALL RETARDED. I U ALL KEEP SAYING HOW MUCHB U HATEB MY STORY BUT u ALL FCKING LEEP READING IT Dear, if only people who liked your story were reading it, you wouldn't have any readers…

ANYWAYS.

THATS RETARTRED.

ok so 4 those pplz u actualy care What insane person is out there that actually cares?, hers th e rest of myt story!

!

ron an i where walking outside 2gether. we were holding each others hands. his hands where so soft, yet hard at the same Not contradictory at all. AT ALL.

tmie. they where amzing hands. they where sio much biger then my hands so my hands git perfectly into his hans Who's Hans? And what is he doing here?. he made me

fel protected u c. No, I really don't.

we where walking down the great hall sdteps 2gether outside the great hall. every1 outside turned 2 star at us.

"Is that Tahirah with RON WEASLEY?" I herd every1 saying.

"I herd that ron dndt go out with any girls!" I herd other pplz saying.

"She must b sumthing special That is a writing technique used by little kids." I herd other pplz saying who never said naything tht was said above. … What?

i blushed becuz i was embarsed. but i was happy 2 becuz ron was super sexi and hawt and coot and emo. his skinny jeans showed

his bum prefectly i reely wanted 2 grab it but i resited Sexual harassment, anyone?. he akso had on a plain wite tshirt. it went over his mucles

perfectly and showed of his realy sexii arms! i put my arms arund his arms and felt his strong muscles. SOOOO HAWT!

"lets sit under the tree" ron said

"k" i said bac

"k" ron said bac What brilliant conversationalists you people are.

and the 2 of us went and sat under the tree. we never said much we just sat there. pretty soon a hole bunch of girlks satated

2 sloly come up 2 us quitly and under the bushes but i saw them first. they were realy young liek in 2nd year or sumthing

ithink but i wasnt sure.

"GTFO OUT OF HREE BITCHES!( Get the fuck out out of here bitches)" iscramed at the top of my longs and they all went runing awy. These are poor innocent twelve-year-old girls. 

"stopid bitches" i said 2 ron

"there just jealus" ron said bac

"i no" i said bac 2 ron

"dnt let them bother u" ron said bac 2 me

"i wont" i said bac 2 ron

"good" ron said bac 2 me.

then ron tuned 2 me and ooked me stait in the eye. He ooked you stait in the eye? How rude.

"ur the most icirdible grli ever met 'Icirdible'? Try pronouncing that. he said 2 me

"ur the msot incridible boy i ever net You ever 'net'. Right. " i said bac 2 him

then, he bliked his hawt, sexi eyes and brushed his hawt sexi red hir out ofhis eyes. sloyl he leened in. we where geting

close, closer, closer! …

"OMG! U FCKING BASTARD!" i scarmed

i ran away a fast as i culd. omg omg omg. he was a grifindor! how culd i have forgten? He obviously seduced you with his amazing 'sexiiness' T.T

i had forgoteen!

NOO!

NOOO!

NOOOOOOO!

i betayed slitheinb. Oh. Well at least you didn't betray _Slytherin_. 

he was a bastard! he tied 2 sedoce me Bondage…! with his good looks ans his sexii smile, and air "and air"?, and eyes, and

skinty jeans, and bum.

NOOO!

he used me!

noooooo!

i ran up 2 the commum room and there i took out a rasor blad and used it 2 cut mysekf in the rists over aned over and over

and over again.

my rists where beleding ZBUT I DIDNT CARE!

ron was a bastard

"hes a bastard"! i scramed at the top of my lungs!

"fck him dead!" i screamed again at ht top of my longs! You already established that you were screaming at the top of your lungs.

"i deserve beter!" i screamed against the top of my lung!Q! Q! hehehe

soon the blod was going EVERYWHERE

EVERYWHERE It wasn't necessary to repeat that…

it was all over the place ansd so iwas losing 2 much OMG OMG!

OMG!

I WAS FANTING ! You were 'fanting'? Cool. Can I try 'fanting'?

i felt ligheaded!

the ropm was spinng faster and fastesr and FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER!

nooooo

noooooooo

nooooooooooooooooo1!

everything wenty blac! Yess! Please die please die please die…

!RONS POV!

omg? why did she just doo tht 2 me? Don't worry, hon. We don't know either. Never try to understand a Mary Sue.

wht did i do?

i dnt no!

i stated 2 cry rite there under the tree. i didnt no wat to do. Tay had just brokn my hart! You basically JUST MET HER. i gave he4r everything! Like what…?

and then she tok it up and broke it into amilion smitlerinzines Try saying that one…! how culd she do this 2 me? HOWWW? i didnt no. Random changing of tenses

all i new was that Tay had sumthing wrong with me and i intentd 2 find out wht. so i march ran You marched or ran? Make up your mind… as quicly as i culd up 2 go 2

the castle and opebn the front sdoors 2 the grate hall. but thts when i saw harry, and he waved me foward.

"ron is the romor tru?" harry scarmed at me and he loked angry.

"what romor?" i said bac 2 harry

"that u are dateing a slitherin!" harry yeled as lud bas he culd 2 me grls close by trned arond and

stared at the 2 of us. they were kind of coot. but not realy. and then i thoght oh Tahira and my hart gave a guilt tugy A 'guilt tugy'? What the hell is that?

feling. OH… A 'guilt tugy feling'! Why didn't you say so in the first place? i looked bac at the grls and they looked ugly now.

"soooooooooo!"""" harry sdcar,ed bac 2 me again What? Did he scream 'soooooooo!'? or did he scared back to you?. i looked harry rite in the eys. harry was soo hawt. his sexi eyes and hair. Oh, God. Please, please don't… 

i even saw heis abs evry nite when he took of his shirt 2 go 2 bed. they where perfect! o.O i then tought

ofTahirah. she was mad at me. and i didnt no why. mayb it ws a hint that harry was my tru luv! No! Please don't…

"those romors are FALSE" i scareamed 2 harry. he smiled He's smiling at you? You just screamed at him! and he looked so sexi at the same time. i didnt reget my desision.

"good" harry said bac 2 me.

i never confeshed Are you drunk? my tru fellings 2 harry b4. i think he new i was bisexieul. i thought tht wuld b the time. so ileaned

4ward, and oloking harry rite in the eyes i kised him. i puled away from my lips his lisp You what? His lisp? ands we stared at each iother 4 a

second. the grls tht were next 2 us gasped in suprise. harry turn raound 2 them.

"OBVIBULAE" he scareamed 2 them. Pfffft HAHAHA! Obvibulae? That's a new spell

"wht did u do" i asked harry

"whipped there meories" he said Ah- so 'Obvibulae' whips their memories… I don't actually know how that works

"now stop talking and kiss me agan" he said 2 me.

i leened 2ward and kised harry again. this time with more pasiont. we kissed in2 the bloom cupbord and clsed the door bhind

us!

2 b continued (SHOCING CHAPTER! i no! Not really… Just very confusing… tell me way u think. i no it was boring at first, but thins are staring 2 heet up!)


	5. Chapter 5

AN: wow. u pplz r ALL RETARTS. Retarts? Like poptarts' cousin…if u dnt like mty sorty then DNT READ IT RETARDSS. k? nawt tht hard. irf u where all as smnart as u say u r then u WULD HAVE RELISED THIS IDIOTS! FUCKING RETARRDED IDIOTS. all of u! But we can't deprive you of the chance to scream at us, now can we?

ok. so leave, NOW if u dnt like it k? its NOT TBHAT HARD! and u pplz dared 2 caled me stupid lolololollol idiots We _dared_ to call you stupid? This would be better, perhaps, if there was a single word in there that was spelled right.

so here is the rest of my story. IF U DNT WANT 2 READ IT LEAVE NOW k?

PS I will b 13 is kliemk Why is 'kliemk' in there? I can vaguely see that you were trying to write 'in less than 2 weeks' but what word have you horribly misspelled to create 'kliemk'? less than 2 weeks so STUFU 'So "shut the up fuck up"'!!

Back 2 Tahirahs POV

i woke up. there was blod all over my close. but i didnt care.

"OMG! wat hapened 2 me" i asked some1 who i didnt no who yet. You were cutting your wrists, and you passed out. You had already established this.

"u pased out becuz u had 2 much blod loset." said a voice. i turned aronund 2 c tht the voice came from snape, the potition tracher hehehe the Position Teacher. Does he teach Sex Ed?. usually i dnt liek techers nut asnape was diferent becuz he understod my suferings and stuff and he was god with giving adviece 2 pplz and students who have tuble with other pplz This is _Snape _we're talking about here, right?. liek onc i was going out with this other boy but i got boraed with him so i sked snape way2 do and he gave me tghe best advice how 2 dumop the guy,. iused it! This has to be Snape's twin, because I can't imagine Snape giving relationship advice…

"omg! i never did tht b4" i said bac 2 snaep!

"i think u jsut lsot controle" snape said vbac 2 me

"i was very sad" i said bac 2 snae looking at mty cuts. they hrt but the pain felt good on my rists. i remembers ron and wat a basatrt he was and sudenly the pain in my rists wasnt even close 2 the pain in my hart. That wasn't a pathetic sentence at all…

"tht BASTARD RON!" i scamred.

"ron weasley?" snape said bac 2 me

i loked into his blac eyes. the4y were so sorrowful and sadly looking bac at me. i then noticed how hawt and coot snaope realy was. Snape? Cute? He has a cool voice, but I would _never _describe him as 'coot' or 'hawt'. First Ron and Harry – now this? PLEASE – STOP. For the love of God, this cannot possibly get any more painful. 

"yes, HES A BASTARD!" i told snape bac and tried 2 b as sexy and hot as posible while doing it.

"hes a grifindonr oh curse hes a bastard" snape said bac 2 me. his eys where lokiing at my brests.

"OMG! STOP LOOKING AT MY BRASEST Again – in the singular…!" i scamred 2 snape who locked away fwhen he saw noticed i noticed him loking at me. But you were trying to seduce him a second ago!

"im sry Tahirah"

"CALL MY TAY" i scaremd with impaience Why is it so necessary that everyone call you by your nickname that you are screaming it at them? 

"im sry tay, i justn never it was not nan instince but il never doit again. u just look so beautifukl."

i stoped looing so mad becuz snaope was so sweat … Quoi?. SWEATER THAN THAT ASTARD RON AWAYS!

"im sry 2"i said bac 2 smaep

"I think ur hot 2" i said bac 2 snape afte he never said anything for a few coule minutes of silecne.

"u do?" snae said and he smiled Snape? Could you possibly have made him any more OOC? OHHHH heis smile was sooo sexiiii. and hot,. OMG! i melted. it was like a needle in my hart that wulndt let come out! You said you melted and then you likened the experience to having a needle in your heart? I thought that would be…Just slightly painful…

"I DOO!" i scamred 2 snape. he smilesd again. THAT SEXUIII SMILE! OMG!

"will u kiss me?" snapes said bac 2 me He isn't bothered that this is a student that he's kissing?

"yes!" i scarmed and ran and kissed nsape. he tasted soo good. Oh GOD. Someone _please _bleach my mind.

"Uyums!" i said after we finished kissing for a ouple hours You've just been kissing a teacher for a couple of hours? Wouldn't he be busy, or have people coming in to talk to him?

"u taste good 2" snape said bac 2 me

"u 2" i said bac 2 samep You said it first, then he replied with the same thing, then you repeated yourself. And who is 'Samep'?

"and dnt wrry. ill fail tht bastard ron on his next test. … How terrible. If this Ron is anything like the real Ron, he would likely already be failing. no1 breeaks ur hart and gets awaty with it!" snape screamed in a sexy voice of dewath and sorrow. He randomly screamed it in a voice of death and sorrow? oHHH THAT VOICE.

"OMG! thanks u u r amzing bf!" i said bac 2 snape

"im ur bf?" snape said bac 2 me smiliny sexily at me. What? You can't have your teacher as your boyfriend! Why has no one got anything to say about this?

"YESSSSS" i screamed

"yes yes yes yes yeas! u r such a god kisser u wil make sucha good boyfriends!" i wwthen waved gb 2 smnape and huriedb off the ofice. You were on the office? i waled up the dungeosn and then you were wailing up the dungeon. until i was in the greate halls. then i felt liek fgoing 4 a broomstick rice becuz quittish trilas What in God's name is quittish? where coming up soon nad it would b good 2 practice. but i allready new i wuldm make it becuz im the best flier in the school Because God forbid you were _average _at something. becuz we had tests jsut 2 weweks ago 2 c who was rth e best and i got first and ron (THT BASTARDS!) got second and rose got 3rc. Ron got second? What happened to Harry? And Ron is _not_ one of the best fliers in the school… so iwent 2 the broomstick room The 'broomstick room'?and opned the door and rthen!

I SAW RON KISING hARYR POTERES (another BASTARDY FGRIFINDOR)s dick! Ron was _kissing_ Harry's dick?

"EWWWWWWW u homsexuels" i sccaredm! and ran way (an: its not nice 2 call gay pplz gay so u r supsoe 2 call them homosexuels becuz they kliek it more. Honey, if you run in screaming 'EWWWWWW!' I don't really think they'll give a shit that you bothered to call them homosexual. were learning about this in schol. personaly i dnt c why calling gay pplz gay is so rong but i want 2 be etical in my story so i tohught it was beter 2 do the story liekb thios insted! Again – it isn't exactly 'ethical' for her to run in screaming 'EWWWWW!')

I herd ron coming chasing behnd me Where's Harry in all this? Ron was just able to run off after Tahira? but i an fater and gaster until i reched the stairs.

"STOPICUS! … What the fuck?" some1 scramed beghind me and i was stuck becuz i culdnt move.

"OMG U FCKING BASTARD!" i scarmed at the top my lungs. girls where looking at me frm steps above but i just tokld them 2 fuc themselvcws. i wasnts in the mod for sily teenage dama Dear, this is what we like to call 'silly teenage drama'. I would be watching as well if I saw people running and screaming.

"kET ME GO!" i sacremde.

"NOT UNTIL U LISTEN 2 MY SSDE OF THE SOTRY" i herd ron scarem

"NO ASTARD!" i scaremd bac at him.

"2 bad bitcvh" i herd him screem 2 me. *sigh* true love.

"OMG U R SO FUCING RUDE!"i scamred bac 2 him.

"DEEL WITB IT WHORE!" heb screamed bac 2 me. Again – nice to see chivalry isn't dead.

"OK BUT HURY!" i scaredm bac 2 him

"Im getting swore!" Why are you getting sore?

"Ojay, her is my side of teh story" Ron started

2 b coninued! STATING 2 hEEAT UP! (tell me wat u think. IF U DNT LIKE IT DNT SAY ANYTHING K!)


	6. Chapter 6

AN: SHUT UP! We… Haven't said anything yet… if u dnt like the story DNT READ IT! im not hanging my tryping style 4 u IDITS People advised you to hang your tryping style?! i have beter thing 2 do than 2 listen 2 u fckers bitch and mon abut a stroy they DNT EVEN LIKE Well, we're not going to bitch and moan about a story we DO like. ! if u dnt like it DNT READ IT FCKERS.

ugh u pplz r disgusting annoying. and stop caling me stipid. im not the 1 going arund reding storys i dnt like. thTS U MOTHFUCKERS! *cough* Mothfuckers? I'm not quite sure how that's possible, but I think it's bestiality. 

O, and i hav nuthin aginst gay pplz. tahirah was just surpried tht harry and ron where bisexuals so she jmped 2 conclsion. she ist agint gay pplz she was just shoked. DUH! Again – then WHY did she run in screaming 'EWWWWWW!'?

so, here is the next part of my stry! i hoe u liek it. (if u dnt like it THEN DNT SAY ANYTHINGN AT ALL. dint ur mother say if u dnt hasve sutmhing nice 2 say DNT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL? yea, so STFU gayz/ But I thought you had nothing against gays…?

"imlistning" i shuted at ron who was stil a few stets belo me on the srtarecase.

"ok. here if my story" he said bac 2 me and a single ter roled down his face. he was soo coot. sudenly i wasnt so mad at him anymoer. This is pathetic- you can't hold onto your anger around 'hawt' guys!

"ur so sexy" i whisperd 2 myself. Couldn't you have said that in your head? I don't see why you thought it was necessary to say it aloud.

"wat?" he whispered loudly bac 2 me. But you were screaming before! Why are you whispering now?

"i didnt say anything BASTARD!" i scaremd bac 2 him. continuye ur motherfucing story aswhip. Firstly – aswhip? No idea as to what that's supposed to be. Secondly – if Tahira was supposed to be saying the last part, there are no speech marks anywhere…

"ok bitch i wil" he scaremed bac 2 me.

"afte ru said tht mean thing 2 me (an: go bac 2 chapter 3 2 c wat she said Why would we actually go back to the chapter to see that, and then come back here? Just tell us what she said.) i felt so emo Could this be because you are, in fact, emo?. i was cring 4 a lung time by myself. then finaly i walked up 2 the casle by myself. i was going 2 cuyt. thts when harry comfarted hehehe 'comfarted'… m and asked me if it was tru tht i was going out with a slitherin.

"THT BASTART!" i scaredm Harry's his best friend. All we know about their interaction so far is that Harry comforted Ron and asked him whether he was going out with a Slytherin. Why is he a bastard?

"let me dfinsed" ronn sad bac 2 me

"ok so afte tht i noticed how hawt hary was."

"OMG! u bbetaing bastard You _what _bastard? Beta-ing is the only thing I can come up with…!" i yeled 2 ron. and i kiced realy hard But the spell halts all movement? Why can you kick?and the corse tht was hoding me let do Let you do _what_, exactly?. i was fre so i started 2 run.

"ROPKABRAV … Erm, what?" ron scaredm behind me and i felt rops all over me and ting me up You felt ropes all over you and ting you up…. OMG tht bastard!

"u wil klisten 2 the rest of my stry!" he said 2 me. Ordering her around isn't the best way to get her to like you.

"fine bastart2" i scdamred bac 2 him and gave him the midle finger except i culdnt becuz i was ropd up so i jsut pertnded i gave him the midle ginger … As opposed to the first ginger or the last ginger?.

"so then i kised harry." ron said.

"OMG OMG OMG! U GYA EMO Firstly – she is supposed to not be against gays. Secondly – she's trying to insult him by calling him emo?!" i scared 2 ron. You scared to Ron. Are you trying to say you 'screamed to Ron'? This isn't making a whole lot of sense, surprisingly…

"im bisexuel!" ron sad 2 me.

i stoped wigling.

"OMG!" i scaremed

"bisexuels emos are SOOOO AWT AND COOT!" WHAT? You've been screaming at him this whole time, and I thought the fact that he was bisexual would have been obvious. He TRIED TO KISS YOU. He also asked if you'd like to go out with him. Ye olde DUH.

ron smild

"thnkz" he said 2 me with his sexii smile on his mace. Ooh! Where did he get a mace? I want one!

"com kis me!" i shuted 2 ron. But he was giving Harry a blowjob a second ago! And you were pissed off at him! Why is everything all better as soon as he says he's bisexual?

"ok" he said bac 2 me.

so ron ran up 2 me, withis sexi hot red emo har and sexi smil adn rthen skised me pasionelatly. we frnch kised 4 a wile on the stares. a few yupinger grls stared at us and gave us grosse loks but i new they didnt understod They didn't understod? And how did you know they were giving you gross looks? You're french kissing with your eyes open?. they werent in love liek i was. then, rite in the halway ron stated 2 go up my shit He was going up your shit? Slap him, Tahira!. he feled my bobs … Okay, then… and played with them 4 a litle bit. Uh, ew. This is in the middle of the hallway. And there are younger girls still standing there who just lost their innocence watching that…

"OMG! RON!" i scamed in hapiness. he was talking of my emo bar Emo bar?.

"i want u 2 fck me!" i tod him! Again – in the MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY.

"ok" h sad bac 2 me. but, just then wen he finaly got my bra takn of You are standing there shirtless where everyone can see you ...

"AVARD KABRVA What the hell is that supposed to do?" su1m scarmed behind us.

"OMG U BASTQRD U KILED RON Ron's dead? YESS!!" i sacmred. I think she probably should have been crying or in shock…

"tay i did it 2 pertect u. From what? That doesn't even make sense!" i lokd dwn 2 c snap saying there with HARRY POTER. Killing Ron was a bit drastic, but to be honest, they were both cheating on their respective partners.

"potter u BASTARD!" i scarmed

"u sertuced my man Your man? But you're Snape's girlfriend, apparently. Isn't he your man?" i scarmed agin.

"BITCH" he yeled bac 2 me.

"tahirah i thot i was ur man" snape said and a smal tare ran dwn his face. I thought so too, Snape. And also – he's CRYING. Does anyone else notice the blatant OOC-ness that is Snape?

"im boared with u no snape becuz ron is bisxuel and luv bisexuel. Slut much? You made out with him for a couple of hours. This is, what, half an hour after getting with him?

"well ron is now ded" snape sadi 2 m,e.

"noooooooo!" i scamed

snape laugde but hary had a small tare reun dwn his dface.

"i luved ron" he said. But… Didn't you just kill him?

"stfu poter" snape said 2 harry. Well, at least that's slightly more in character… Except for the swearing...

i looked into harrys eys. they where so blac and hawt and emo and coot and sexi. WHAT? You are Snape's girlfriend. Then, about half an hour later, you are bored with him and almost have sex with Ron. Ron JUST DIED. And now you're moving on to Harry?

"OMG! hary u r so sexi" i shouted and ran downstars 2 him.

"wht abut me tay?" snape sad 2 me with a ter coming dwn his face.

"ur grosse and stopid" i said 2 snape becuz he desved it. he atacked ron. And KILLED HIM. About half a minute ago. And now she's getting with Harry.

"u realy lik me Is that meant to be 'like' or 'lick'?" harry said 2 me.

"yes" i said bac 2 harry.

"lets go 2 hogmed" i said

"k" harry said Tahira's currently shirtless. And has been the whole time. Just to let you know that.

2 b contined (tell me wat u think! unles ur rud(


	7. Chapter 7

AN: ok so u pplz suld PLZ stop calling me a trol. im not stupid. *cough* Well, if any of this was spelt right, this might have more substance. ur the stipid 1 becuz ur the pplz reding a story u dnt even like. uif u dnt liek it dnt read it ok. its not that hard retards.

here is the rest of my stroy:

oh an sum of my buton things r werd so thins may b diferent. What? sry!

me and harry walked out the great hall door otu 2 the otusife and when we where therewb e waked dwn 2 the tre where me and eron had our efirst date. Just going to mention the fact that the author hasn't actually said whether or not Tahira  well i gues it wasnts a darte exactly buty it was kind of sa date igyues It was not a date. You sat there, scared off some twelve year olds and had an incredibly vague conversation. Then you screamed at Ron and ran off to slit your wrists. so we wet terhe it was realty wed becuz thts where mer an ron had our firsdt daet thing. You've said that three times. And it was not a date. Wouldn't being there make you the slightest bit upset? He's dead, and this is the tree where you sat with him. hen web finaly started 2 get there harry said:

`we shuld mkae out!` harry said 2 me

`k i sad bac 2 harry

àns so harry lened in 2 kiss me and i kiss him bac and we kissed under the tre. jusrt then

BAM! *And the dirt is gone!*

OMG WAT HAPEDNÉ i scarmed

i dnt no wat happen! You just screamed that you didn't know what was happening. Writing this again is therefore unnecessary. 

i loked up and then i saw ron Dammit! 

`hary u bastard!`he scared 2 harry I thought maybe he'd be a little more upset at Tahira, considering she's the one willingly making out with him… How unfaithful are these people? Harry's his best friend, and Tahira was supposedly his girlfriend…

`tay is my gf reastard` No she's not. You two never announced that. She basically just started making out with you because you're bisexual, and bisexuals are 'hawt'. Then, you were about to have sex in the middle of the hallway. And then you 'died'.

`OMG RON u came bac 4 me` i said 2 ron He JUST DIED. Are you even going to ask him how the hell that happened?

`yes` ron said bac 2 me

`snapes kiling spel wasnt as god as he thot it was. the rretarted idoit` ron said bac 3 me Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that Snape yelled out "AVARD KABRVA" instead of 'Avada Kedavra'…

`lol he is a idiot Did you actually say 'lol'?` i said bac 2 ron

`why r u with harry` ron said bac 2 me and a singl tear ruan dwn his facae as heabv said it Because SHE'S A SLUT. CAN NO ONE ELSE SEE THIS?

`becuz i thout u where DEAD! Yes, but he had only JUST DIED. THIRTY SECONDS AGO.` i scarmed at ron

`but i wsbnt` ron scarmed 2 me

`but i thout u where` i scarmed geting agnry. And why are _you _getting angry? This is your fault!

`but nown tht u no i wanot` ron said bac 2 me

`I WANT 2 GET BAC WITH U DUH!` i sacmnred at ron,. Because as soon as a better guy comes along, she immediately dumps the one she's with.

`I LUV U` YOU'VE _LITERALLY _ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR TWO DAYS! i sacredm wo thnking.

`omg did i jst say thtÉ` i said 2 myself First sign of insanity…

`yes` rib said bac 2 me Who's Rib?, whe was smiling

i blushed.

`i luv u 2` he sad 2 me. You have known her for only two days as well. And most of your interactions ended with one or both of you slitting your wrists.

then me and ron walk 2gether bac up 2 the casle.

2 b continuyed (srry it was short but i hav a good idea 4 the nedt chapter! I don't want to know what you would call a good idea, but I think we're all worried…)


	8. Chapter 8

AN: haers fck of k. ther where sum of u who where nice tho so i gues thts ok. also stop threting me plz people are threatening you? Hahaha I take my hat off to those people. ts very rud u no. so stfu and get a life idiots and tarerd. if u sad nice things 2 me thn u can stay I think it's bullying when you tell us that we're not allowed to read this unless we're nice. Also, do you realise that most people are flaming you because of the reactions they get? ! :)

also th9is idot hehe another mention of the iDot has been steling my storys and making fun of them *cough* erm… That's not me…. STOP IT SLT Why is he/she a slut?. ur pathetic u no tht? becuz u r? i red the reviews 4 her stry and every1 was so pateic making fun of my dtory. u pplz r fcking rud If I wrote a story so bad that someone actually wrote a commentary for it about just how bad it was, I would consider that an achievement. just 4 ur fyi the man caracter is fcking 18 retartds, not 12 Then why is she attending Hogwarts? I thought the oldest students were seventeen?. pplz kep sayingit was grosse 4 a 12 yar old 2 kis a old person but the man charcter ISNT 12, way 12 year old is in luv retards I still reckon it's gross for an 18 year old to kiss a teacher who is middle aged. 4 pplz who think there smrt u pplz r realy stipid Do you have any idea how ironic that statement was? This is exactly what you're doing….

me an ron where waking bac 2 the casle. it was geting dark out. it was stil sundy so we had scool tmrow. It's still Sunday? So you two had your first conversation that didn't consist of 'hi how are you' 'good' 'that's good' THIS MORNING. And all in a single day, you got together with three different guys and decided that you were in love with Ron.

"fck school" i yeled and ron laghed at me.

"lol" he siad. So he laughed and then said 'lol'…

"but i hat it" i said 2 ron hoping he wuld undersdtn.

"me 2" ron said bac 2 me

"its stopid" i said bac 2 ron

"i no wat u men" ron said bac 2 me

"do u no wat?" i said 2 ron

"wat" ron sad bac 2 me

"we sholdnt go 2 scool 2morow" i said bac2 ron

"wel get in truble" ron said bac 2 me

"oh ur suh a gody 2shos" i said bac2 ron

"no bu we hav 2 go to schol" ron said bac2 me

"we hav potons al moning 2morow with tht retardt snape an he tinks ur ded" i sadi bac 2 ron

"god pont God pont? What the hell? !" ron said bac 2 me relizning my point And if he just basically said 'good point' we've already established that he understands your point.

"i no" i said bac2 ron

"wat shuld me do?" ron said bac2 me

"i dnt no" i said bac 2 ron

" mayb we shuld gide You should what?" ron said ba 2 me

"but where?" i sad bac 2 ron

"i dnt no" ron said bac 2 me

the 2 of us walsed in silnts You waltzed in stilts? Because that's how I immediately interpret that. 4 a wile until we cam 2 the great ghal. we loked up onthe bultin bord There's a bulletin board? and thn we saw a avrtisement. it sad tht blink182 wuld b in england tht monday (which was tmrw!) I don't know who they are. 

"omg!" i sacrmed

"i luv blik182" i sarcmed again

"me 2 " ron scared.

"lets go c thm tmrw" i said 2 ron

"omg yes!" ron said 2 me

"yess!" i sracemd again

"i luv u ron!" i topld him and then we waked awy 2 ur sparted huses! Again – the use of an exclamation mark was unnecessary…

i put on ym oijamas (ia blac shit tht had 2 harts on it one was re n the other was pink and ht 2 harts where belding and the shirt sad: my hart is borkem Borkem! Hehehehe then i put on my piajama pnts thy where blac sweet pans. the other slithinr grls i sared a rom with where starting at me becuz i loked so hapy when usly i dint. That's because you're supposed to be emo.

"godnight sbitces" i scraedm 2 them and thn went 2 bed for the night. … You just randomly screamed at them and then went to bed?

i wok up erly the next m,orning becuz i was ecited 2 go c blink182. i suck dwn … Okay, then.2 the gret hal but insted of going in i went otside and wated 4 ron. it was rely werly so ther wast many pplz outside. i waited there 4 abut 20 mintes until ron came out 2 c me.

"omg!" i scarmed and ran 2 him and kissed him on the lps. And where else would you be kissing him in a public area?

" how r u" i askled him.

"good" he said bac 2 m,e

"thts good" i said bac 2 him Déjà vu…

"so r u excited" i said 2 him

"yes" he sid bac 2 me

"me 2" i said bac 2 him

"thts good" he sad bac 2 me

"so r u redy 2 go?" i said bac2 him

"yea" he said bac 2 me

"ok so hopw r we going 2 get to engand?" i said 2 ron You hadn't already had this worked out?

"i hav an ida folow me" ron said bac 2 me

"ok" i said bac 2 rom.

so i folowed ron runing acros the scholyard. he looked so sexii in his skiny jens and his tgop. it showd his muscles perfeclty.

"ur so hawt" i told him wen we rached whever we where ging. If you'd already reached it surely you know where it is that you are?

"thnx u 2" he sdaid bac 2 ,e

"thx" i said bac 2 him

'so way r we doin" i asid 2 hm

"where takin broms from the shed and suing them 2 fly 2 englang" ron said bac 2 me

"omg! god plabn!" i shuted to ron You're shouting again… You're very loud, aren't you?

"thx" he said bac 2 me

the ron went and tok out 1 brome from the shed.

"wat abut me?" i said 2 ron

"ur rid behind me" he said with a sexi smil.

"omg1 thts realy coot" i said 2 ron

"i no" ron said bac 2 me This isn't a really weird conversation?

so then me and ron flow 2gether 2 england 2 c blink182. we got thr jst intime and so we went an sa the cocert. after the concrt we got out. That was brilliantly described…

"tht was a goed concert" i said 2 ron But we didn't even get to read about it – you just said you got in and then out and said it was good. And how the hell did you get in without tickets or ID cards?

"i no" ron said bac 2 me

"now were do we go?" i said 2 ron

"i dnt want 2 go bac 2 scool" ron sad bac 12 me

"why snt we get a hotl" i aked ron A hotl?

"good idea" ron said bac 2 me

so thn me and ron went 2 get a gotel rom Oh, now it's a gotel rom… . we got a realy nice 1 in a fany hotel and went up there. Where did you get all the money for this?

"this is nice" i sai 2 ron

"yea" ron said bc 2 me

then he quikly cam over and kised me on the lips.

"ur lips tast good!" i said 2 ron

"so do urs' he said bac 2 me

then he kised me again nd thensd he kised my hole body He kissed your hole body? untilf he tok of my shirt an then he tok of my pants. then he took f ho his pnts and then put his dickn in2 me. it feltso god. A fantastic sex scene… Well, at least this author can say 'dick'

"this fels so god" i said 2 ron

" is it ur frst tim" ron said bc 2 me

"yes" i said bac 2 ron

"good i want it 2 b spcil" ron said bac 2 me

"its wih u so it wil b" i said 2 ron But it's already happened, hasn't it?

"ok" ron said bac 2 me And you're having this conversation WHILE you're having sex.

so then ron kept fcking me ove and ovr agin until he finaly was finshed then he tok ot his dick frm me and thn we put ur clotes bac on. You aren't the least bit tired?

"tht felt god" i said 2 ron

"i no" ton said bac 2 me

"well i think we shuld probly go bac 2 hogwarts" i said 2 ron Was it that much of an unmemorable experience that you basically just said 'That felt good. Now let's go back to school.'?

"yea" ron said bac 2 me

so the 2 ofaus wnt 2 the bromstik and flew bac 2 hogwrts and we said by and we left 4 our commum rooms. t was a day i wuldnt 4get in my entire klife. You went to a concert that you didn't describe, and then you lost your virginity. And both times, all you could say was 'that was good.'

2 b continued (told u it wuld ba good chapte! tay lost her virginty 2 ron, so coot Sex isn't really 'coot'. I wouldn't describe it as being coot.! tell me way u thinkl! SO LONG AS UR NICE)


	9. Chapter 9

an: if u hav sumthing men 2 say DNT DAY IT RETARDS k. u pplz jus say the same thin over and ovder agin and its stipud so STOP okay. They're all saying the same things? Isn't that… Maybe a slight indication to listen to them?

now her is the rest of mty stoy!

xoxofx

i wok uyp the next day erly after the conert. it was a tueday and so i had potons forst. so went dwn 2 the dumons an tok a set in the bac of class with rose.

"hi wher where u yeterday" she said 2 bme I thought that more people would comment on the fact that she wasn't at school for the entire day yesterday?

"il tel u abut it latr" i said bac2 her

"k" she sad bac 2 me

then al of a sudon snape cam in and told us ll 2 stfu. I highly doubt that teachers are allowed to simply walk into a classroom and tell all the students to shut the fuck up.

"stfu idiots" he sdared to us. Did he say it twice or are you (once again) unnecessarily repeating yourself in the story? evry1 stf afte he sad tht. he loked very angery and mad. rose and i imedately stoed taking becuz we new wev b in big truble if we ddnt stop talking. the clas was silnt an d we al waited 4 snape 2 talk agin.

"so 2day i hav news" he said an he lokaed vry mad abut sumthing.

"we hav a new studnt tih us/" he said 2 us al and he loked evn masder.

"who"evry1 was sraying. snape gav us a lok tht told us top stfu or hed kil us.

"ron weaslrey" he said an them pertnded 2 thro up in2 the garbag can nct 2 him. Again- not sure about the teachers in this school. I can't actually picture Snape doing that…

"omg!" i scarmed jst as reon cam in2 thea calsrom. Thea Calsrom sounds like a person… Which makes the rest of the sentence… Interesting…

"hi tya!" i yeled 2 me and rawn over 2 met me and st dwn next 2 me. He's in a classroom for God's sake! He yelled, and then ran over to sit next to you.

"wat r u doing her Are you doing her… hehehe?" i aked ron.

"STUF RETAREDTS!" snape scarmmed. "u pplz r fciung retaresded!" he scared again. Okay – he just told all his students to shut the up fuck, and then told them they were fucking retarded. Why is no one filing some sort of complaint against him? evry1 shu up after tht and we went along with the erest of teh clas becuz we new wed b in truble if we taked 4 the rest of eteh clase so we didt tak until after the clsas. when the class was ovr we went ont in2 the halway and i kiswed ron.

"OMG WHY R U A SLSITHRIN NOW?" i sacrmed and kised him agin.

"becuz i culdnt b awy frm u durng the nites and stuff!" How did he just randomly switch houses? And why hadn't he done this earlier? ron said 2 me nd hten HE kised ME! … And this is a huge shock _because_…?

"omg i am so excited!" i scaremd

"so way do we hav next?" ron said 2 me fater we finshed kissing in the hal

" we hav creturs next!'i saiads 2 ron so we ewnt 2gethr ad walked 2 hargids hut in the outide of the schol. hagrid was ther and e was wtih this hors with wins. The 'horse with wings'. How extensive your knowledge is of mythical creatures…

"hi haggrid!"i sad 2 him and he wavd bac 2 me

"hi tay an ron" he said 2 me and ron.

"wat do u hav her?" i said 2 haggrsid

"a hilopgrit" he sad ac 2 me adn ron A Hilopgrit? How did you get that from Hippogriff? 

"cool' ron said 2 ahgrgid.

so thn 4 the nxt clas we did stuf with hagrid dn lerned how 2 proply care 4 the anmal and stuf lik eth. … Well that _is _sort of the point of 'Care of Magical Creatures'… the clss ende in n hur.

"tht was a god clas" i said 2 ron Not many people like the class, so I doubt it's 'God'

"yea" he said bac 2 me

so thn me and ron awked 2 the slitherin commum rom 2gthr.

"im so hapy ur a slitherin now" i said 2 ron Again –I don't know how he managed that.

"me2" he asid bac 2 me

thne we kised 4 a while. plz stared at us agbut please stared at us 'agbut'? i dfint mina it was k with me. just whn me and on wher going 2 gos bnac 2 my bd rose ran in. What? I need some sort of translator for this. I got 'Just when me and Ron were going to' but what the hell does 'gos bnac' mean?

"OMG! RON ASDN TAY UB 2 HAV 2 COM HER!" Come her?

2 b contninued! )tell me wat u think)


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry for the wait, guys. I think the only reason I'm writing this now is because I'm procrastinating, but oh well. I had all the documents written out, but lost about half of them a couple years ago. Rewriting them now. Thanks, guys.

* * *

><p>AN: stfu u retarde idsiot k u pplz r stipid san i dnt car wat u think u dnt get me anyawy so stfy and die if u dnt liek my strry then DNT FCING RED IT U RETSARDS! omg u pplz who thuikur so smrt r realy just stopid idots wiht nohing beter 2 do then atack my stry veen tho u dnt dcking like it. wow thres a wrd 4 pplz like u an its RETARED. <span>I… Can't even… Wow. I don't actually think I need to say anything for that one.<span>

xox

"om wat rose?" iscaremed she sunded socked STOP SCREAMING. And she sounded 'socked'?

"snape comited sucid he is ut. … Don't worry, Snape, if I lived in this world I'd do that too. Also, this is just after they left class, so he committed suicide JUST THEN. How does Rose know about this so early? he jmped frm hs fofice widow and laded in frnt of the scool. hes dead tay. omg wat r we gonna do?" rose said bac 2 me she was holing bac tears Why exactly are you crying? I thought everyone sort of hated him.

"snape was a batrard anyways" said rpn 2 me. i was soched You spent all of YOUR time calling him a bastard! And I think Ron can be let off a little – the guy did try to kill him.

"wtf ron?" i scaremd"snape was a god techer!" Uh, let's take a look at this. He made out with a student for a couple hours, was the /boyfriend/ of this student for a while, ATTEMPTED TO MURDER A STUDENT, and constantly swears at all his pupils. He's a great teacher.i said 2 ron agin. the fct tht he dint evn care tht snape die wa ghorible. i dint no if ic uld b with him after tht. Could Ron be thinking the same of you, perhaps? After you ran off with Snape, and then Harry, after he broke up with you and then 'died'?

"he tryd 2 kil me ifts a god thing he fcking SUCS at th kiling corse or if b ded rite now! " ron said bac 2 me Yeah, I don't know why he's so bad at it. He _is_ a teacher, and he _was_ a Death Eater, soooo…

"i dnt care he wa my favrite techer!" What must it be like for the teachers you _don't _like? i sacremed bac 2 ron and thn i ran up 12 my rom. ron tryd 2 folow me but i slmed the dor in his face.

"go bac 2 grinfridor u fcking tratoe" HOW THE HELL DID HE GET INTO SLYTHERIN IN THE FIRST PLACE? i scramed 2 him. i herd him cying outsid my dor but i culdnt bare 2 opn it 4 him. i ran 2 my bag wit al my rasor in it and puled ut one an then stated 2 cut myself. Is anyone going to confiscate that, anyway? I mean, really. This is a serious problem. i cut mysef over and ovr aign until ther was blod all over my clohs nd my flor.

"RON IS A BATARD That is a _type of bread_. Seriously, now all I can think of is a bread loaf wearing skinny jeans with red hair... " i scarmed whil i cut deper and deaper. over and ovr i cut until my bed was covred in blod. then evrything wen fuzzy and i fanted. YOU CANNOT LOSE THIS MUCH BLOOD, CONSTANTLY. You need a hospital. 

RONS POSV:::

omg i dnt no wat 2 do. tay if so mad at me but it wsnt my fault ecuz snape tryd 2 kil me an if sum1 who tryd 2 kil tay did hed be hapy 2. shes suh a slut anywy Oh my God. Is that… A decent, sane opinion? Shit, check the skies and hide under something, the apocalypse is nigh! so god ridane 2 her. i derverse beter thn her becuz she dsn5 recpest me nd my opions so im going 2 get th fck out of her lief. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Are you sure this is the right story? The spelling says yes, but the relatively rational opinions say _fuck no_.

"go 2 fcking helbith"i scarmed 2 tay at te top og my longs "i hop u dy of AIDS!" Wow. And that's probably quite likely, at this rate.  scaremd i stod up and walkd anyway out the commum rom door 2 the halway and upstars 2 the grinfodor These houses are just getting more and more creative, aren't they? tower. i went in.

"im bac!" i scarmed realy madly becuz i wa smad at tay. thn al a uden sum1 cam up 2 me and fcking pnched me the fac! …In… the… fac?

"wtf who do u thnk u ar bastrd!" i scfaremd. It's like she thought up a word, and then bashed her head against the keyboard to try and transfer it from her brain.

"hary potterd" hary scarmed bac 2 me That's… Not bad. Except that the intent is to actually tell us who he is. 

"fuc u hary u pnched me bastasrd" i said bac 2 harry I think everyone in this story deserves a punch in the face at some point. 

"u dwesvered it" harry said bac 2 mYOU went off with his girlfriend the moment he died! 

"i no" i said bac 2 hary

"so did u dmp tht fgly bitc?" harry said 2 meBut… But… You went out wi—You know what? Never mind.

"yes" i said 2 harry

"good" harry said 2 me. then the 2 of us ewnt dwn 2 the firplac and did homwork. And now you're just going to… *sigh* I think this is bad for my brain function.

"do u stil luv me?" You guys suddenly kissed, jumped into the 'broomstick room' together, and then someone kissed someone's dick. Thy love is pure. harry sudeny said 2 me"i dnt no" i said bac 2 harry

"why?" harry said bac 2 me

"i knd of mis tay" i said bac 2 harry

"dnt say tht or il punch u agin!" Everyone has completely healthy and loving relationships in this. harry siad bac 2 me

"fine" i sdaid bac 2 harry.

ROSES POV:::

"omg tay is so mad an she brok up wigh ron now at am i supose 2 do. i dnt no. thisb is hoible." i said 2 myself. Maybe YOU should get with her now. It wouldn't surprise anyone.

then 2 tyri and fix the hole prolbem i decide 2 go up 2 tays rom and try 2 convine hwer 2 get bac with ron becuz thy belong 2gether. Yeah, they're _soul-mates_. i was sjut abut at the her door wen i reliesed.

"OMG! i can go out withn ron now!" i whipered 2 myself. her was so coot and now tht her brok up wtgh tay i culd finaly ask him out! Oh, so _everyone's _a complete whore in this. Well, that's alright, then. You are an awesome friend.

so ik left the commum romm and ran up 2 the grinifodr gcommum room and saw rn by the feir with hary. They where kising! How did you even get in? Like, really?

"omg hat!" AAAAH HAT! I'm going to start saying that now.i scarmed and thny stoped kising.

"wt ron u r fcking cheting on tay" i scarmed But… But you were just about to- GAH I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THESE PEOPLE.

"shne brok up withn me so fvk her!" It wouldn't surprise anyone if she did. ron scared bac 2 me.

"so ... ur ovre here?" i saked ron.

"yes, rck her fckikng ded" i scaremd You asked him if he was over here? And then said something about (what I assume was) fuck her fucking dead? 

"thn...do u mind if i oin?"i sadi 2 rn and harry. And… Then asked for a threesome?

"sur" harry said 2me hne was smilig 2 me. Hang on – have either of the guys ever MET Rose? Why am I not surprised.

sol i tok iof my tolp; an bottom I know you can take off your top, but taking off your bottom would require the help of a surgeon. And it would be pointless and very painful. Just saying. an thne harry and ron stated 2 kis me. thn ron wen and tok up my nts and nderwarl. I just see 'ants' and 'underworld'. This should not be this funny to me. harry and ron tok tuns fcking me ovre and over agin until thney where both done.

"tht was amzing"i said 2 tem WAIT. HOLD UP. 

THEY HAVEN'T LEFT THE COMMON ROOM. 

THEY ARE HAVING A THREESOME IN THE COMMON ROOM. IN. THE. VERY. _PUBLIC_. COMMON. ROOM. 

JUST SAYING.

"thnks!" th4y both said ac 2 me

"no probkm!" i said bac 2 them That's a completely normal response to just having had a threesome with someone you don't know. She's like a kind of polite prostitute.

thnen the 3 of usb walkd 3gethrer to the great hall 2 eat super Eat super what? Super healthy? Supernatural? Superman? and themn hed of 2 bed fr te nite. we ate at thne ginfindor These house names are getting better and better. table. i loked 4 tatya litle bitm but i was busy lkoking at hary and ron 2 so i digured she was stil in her room crying. me ron ad hary ate unitl we wrnt hungry anymor abnd then went of 2 the grinfindor comun rom and went 2 bed. (i deced 2 sitch 2 grindor 4 the nite! Have you read the books EVER? Alright, no. I don't think you _can_ read. But surely you've at least watched the movies? YOU. CAN'T. SWITCH. HOUSES.) lter tht nite we fcked agin. Seriously, where are you guys when you're doing this? Girls and guys can't get into each others' dormitories. waw even beter than the firt tim ecuz ahrry and ron did stuf 2gether 2 adn let me Let you what? was soo coot 2 c them kis and fck. There's 'coot' again. I don't think gay porn is 'coot'. i luvedd it. but soo it was tim 4 bed so we went 2 bed 4 the nite. i 4got al about btay!Btay? It sounds like you're forgetting someone's birthday.

1 b conintued (say NICE THINSG dstop saying MEAN THINGS RETARTSD!) I totally want to say nice things to someone calling me a retard. 


	11. Chapter 11

AN: stfu k if udnt liek it dnt red it fuckers now go fk urslfs so tht u can leve me alon and i dnt hav 2 read ur shit ever agin ok. stfu and go bac 2 ur momys Hey, I just want to take a page out of your… Er… _book_… here, and say *_if you don't like it, DON'T READ IT*. _For God's sake, woman.

::TAYS POVS:::

wtf wher was i was th first qwuerstionv I've told you before, bashing your head on the keyboard is _not_ going to magically transfer your thoughts! tht acvm 2 my mind when it wok up. Also, the tenses in that sentence were appalling.

"watr hapened 2 me?" sakded

"ui cut ursel 2 much thn at hapen Than at happen? What does that even mean? tay." sum1 xad bac 2 me

"who tht fck r u?" io saked Can't you… I don't know… _See_ them? And where are you?

"its me snape" snaep said b ac 2 me WHAT. Can _SOMEONE _in this story _please _stay dead, for once_?_

"omg wtf u agni!" isacredI'm sorry, I can't get over the fact that she thinks he's dead and all, and the first thing she says is '_You again_?'

"u brok me nad ron up isacredm agin geting mader and mader. You are seriously not even going to ask about his magical resurrection? To quote Ron, she NEEDS to sort out her priorities.

"fck u idot and gtf out og my lif"i sacremd bac 2 saape ASK HIM HOW HE'S _IN _YOUR LIFE.

"i jujst asaved ur oife 4 a second time and thniks is how u tasy thank uy?" i said 2 em

"ui dnt car if u save my lief u brok ron and me up" i sacremd agin. And once more, with feeling: she NEEDS to sort out her fucking priorities.

"good" snaoe said bac

"stfu bastrard!" i shutd and rn out of the rom b ujt b5 All I can think of when people write B4 and suck is the bananas in pajamas… i culd ge out the dor closed in frnt of me

"omg wtf losr!" i scaredm 2 snape

"say thnk u" he asid bac 2 me

"no" i said bac 2 himThe man might be creepy, OOC and ridiculous, but he did save your life, you stubborn bitch.

"say it (say it out loud)" he said bac 2 me

"no (You're a vampire)" i sadi bnac 2 him agiain.

"thn u arnt geting out." snape said bac 2 me\ She might be a rude bitch, but can't she cast a spell, maybe? Or complain about this? Or attack him?

"wtf" i said abc 2 sanep

"u herd me" snaep bac 2 me The spelling of his name keeps getting more creative as time goes on.

"fin thnnk u" i said bac 2 snape

"now let me out" i said 2 snape

"maybe" Well, she did say 'thnnk u' instead of 'thank you'. nsape said bac 2 me, he loked EVIL.

"omg LET ME OUT!" i scaredm and baned the door realy hard. snape just laughed Sorry, an evil Snape laugh would be ridiculous. This is Alan Rickman. He'd be all: 'Ha…Ha…Ha.

"omg wat do uy waent frm me?' i scarmed geting nruvous

"i dnt want anything frm u I JUST WNT U! Then clearly you _do_ want something. Also that sounded more 'that's sort of sweet' than 'RAAAAUUURRRGHHHH RAPE'" snaope said 2 me

"omg u sic bastart! " i sacred 2 me na banged the dor louded.

"silencendo!" For the love of God, stop trying to make up spells! snaope scremad and i culdnt talk anymore.

"thner tht wil shut u up!" snape said nad then b4 i new it snape had trasnsfrmed into DUMBLEFOR!... I actually have absolutely nothing to say right now. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

"OMG WTF?" i scarmed 2 snpae who was now dumbldorI CANNOT EVEN

"u thot i was god, but realy I WAS WRKING 4 VOLEMOT Oh, well thank God he wasn't working for _Voldemort. _That would have been a shocking and ridiculous plot twist." dulbmordore sacredm bac 2 me

"OMG! HOW CN I B SO STIPID SNAP IS DED!" i scarfemd And here I was thinking you were too stupid to ask. You actually _forgot he was dead?_ I thought that would be an important thing to remember.

"yes u idoit tht was mny plan al along, SNAP NEVR COMITD SUIDIDE I KILED HIM" dumbldor screamed bac 2 me WHAT IS HAPPENING NO DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO MAKE DUMBLEDORE EVIL

"omg u BASTARD!" i sarem bac 2 dumblodor How many people are there in the room with her now? Dumblefor, dulbmordore, dumbldor, dumblodor…

"hahahahah u idoti u fel rite in2 my trp!" dumblefor scremed 2 bac2 me. then he wealked 4ward 2wards me Please stop using the numbers. PLEASE. 

"omg wtf r u doni" i scarmed geting scared

"im gong 2 rap u!" he asid laghing'Yo, dis be the A-bus to the Peace-Eval to the Wolf-Rick to the B-Ryan to the Dumbledore, bitches. Da head mix-master of H-Warts'

"omg u sic bastrard!" i saremd Oh, come on. It's not that bad. He hasn't even started rapping yet!

"hahahahah" he scramed evilyiy. then, rite wen he was about 2 rape me Woah – calm the hell down, who said anything about rape? A little continuity would be nice!

"gtfo ur hands of my grlfrend!" ron screamed carging tru the door.GTFO means get the fuck out… Clearly you don't actually know that. 

"omg wtf!" dumbldor sreamed wen ron kikc him in his bals. That's a bit harsh. He just wanted to try rapping. I don't know where this rape-y business came from. Oh, and this is the headmaster you're attacking.

"omg ron u saved me!" i scare3d

"im srry 4 beig a idot" i said 2 me Back to the iDot again, I see.

"i 3give u!" i said bac 2 him THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU USE NUMBERS 

"now lts get ut of her b4 he can trp us!" ron said and the 2 of us ran ut of the rom. We ran up 2 the grinfdor commum room.Just escape from one of the world's most powerful wizards by kicking him in the balls. Sounds legit.

"omg rose awt r u donig here?" i said wen i asws rose and harry siting 2gether.

"nohtng" rose said guitily

"omfg u where fcking harr!" i saredm It just clearly said they were sitting together.

"u slut!" i scaredm agin.I'm sorry, just give me a moment. BAHAHAHAHAHA *breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA *breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-*dies*

"i nver fcked harry!" rose scramed ay meWe know, honey. He fucked you.

"stop ur fcking lis She isn't lying! I just said that! God, does anyone listen to me?i hate cheters tht betry slitheruin!" EVERYONE IS A HYPOCRITE i scaremd bac 2he

"wtf u dated ron!" he scaredm bac 2 Thank you for asking a decent question!

"bt we r sole mtes Oh, so you're soul mates now? You met each other a couple of days ago! And broke up about 8698768976 times, cut yourselves, cheated on each other, and barely spoke.an he siwthced 2 slithering 4 me btich"i scaredm agin. Yeah, still wondering how the hell that happened.

"fck u" she scaredm at me

"fck U' i scarmed bac at her luded atan she scaremd at me. You're supposed to be 18?

"bitch' she scredmed

"no ur the bitch!" i scaredmOh, dear God…

"come on ron lets GO" i scaredm 2 ron and tok him by theb hands and drtaged him out ofg theb grifnfor commum room. WHIPPED.

"fck tht bitch" i scarmed nd me asnd on went outsid 4 a walkA walk? How dramatic!

2 b ocntined (tell me wat u think i ur nice


	12. Chapter 12

Hey, guys! Turns out I actually got reviews for this – which Fanfiction, being a lovely, useful website once more, decided not to notify me about. Thanks ever so, . T-T

At any rate, a huge THANKYOU to everyone who reviewed with lovely, funny comments! Also – turns out these type of commentaries are called 'sporks', which is fantastic to know (and another big thankyou to The Great Mikey Weston for the heads-up, you win all the awards. As long as you have brain cells left from reading this to accept these awards). Honestly I only knew about Sporks as being the spoon-fork hybridization, and one of the names for the Kirk/Spock ship…

I also apologise for the lack of updates! Don't have any excuses, I'm just a lazy shit.

an: omg sryr i nevr upated in ad whil i wasd awy with my fmaikyl onn avction but ikm bac now so i casn ipdatye! They should honestly make a 'Really Shitty Fanfiction Translator'. That would be beautiful.

JHAPPY HALOLWEEN! omg r u eited! im going tircvk or tresting tonignt 4 sure ! watbut u? Where are you expecting to get an answer from this..?

so hates if u hav sujmthing men 2 say DNT SAY ITS TERATRD! Ok u pplz r stupi and i dnt want 2 her frm u gin? Honestly though – 'If you have something mean to say, don't say it!' and then 'You're all stupid.' Great to know she has about as much continuity as her story… got it? GOODE! STFU AND LEV ME ALON! i dnt even red most of ur reviwes vecuz they r 2 lon anyewy so u r weastibng ur tim. just say 'i liek it' if u like it. You just said you didn't read most reviews, anyway. It would be rather pointless. if u dnt like it then STUF.

XOX

em and ron strormed ut of the agreat hal adn outjidde. then we walekd over 2 a tre. Oh, the drama. then we fund the secrt pat uner the tre and wenrt undfer it. … Erm, what? If we're going to assume this is the Whomping Willow, what powerful wizards they must be to just waltz past without, I don't know, disabling the tree or anything… then we wher einv a buldig of sum tipe.

"where the bfck r we?" ron sai 2 me Honey, I don't think even our dear author is clear on that one.

"stuf" i said bac 2 ron"tel me where whee at!" ron scaremed bc2 meHe has a right to know, to be honest – she's flipped out and dragged him out under what is apparently the Whomping Willow, without an explanation…

"in hogmed" i sad bac 2 ron But that passage leads to the Shrieking Shack, doesn't it?

"o" ron said bac 2me

"yes so stuf now" i scarmed bac 2 ron*squints* She really does a bit of screaming, doesn't she?

"k" he asud bac 2 me

me and ron sdat therb 4 a whil becuz we hasd nothibng beter 2 do tbut then finaly we got baord. it was as long time under fiomnaly ron said sumthing

"aty i hav 2 tel u sumthing" ron siad 2 me

"wat" i sadi bac 2 ron

'i aslo fcked rose" eron said bac 2 meHey, this is actually the first thing I think I've seen of their relationship that is actually semi-healthy/reasonable (okay, apart from the fact that they're talking about him cheating with a threesome), he's being honest with her and everything! I don't know if this is the right story, guys - I think I may be commentating on the wrong one, even _with_ the spelling…

"OMG U FCKING BASTWER REBERTAYER OMG GO JKIL URSELF!" … Nope, all good – false alarm, guys. i scaredm. th ni ran iout of the builing we where ikn na outhb 2 hogmds nd 2 the candy shot. tjhen i tok a opil of candy and te it al. You _do _understand how shops work, don't you? There's this magical part of the process where you actually _buy _the item! then i rembered!

"OMFG ITS HALOWEN!" i scaredm thn the perosn eho owned the candy shotp cam out. sh toikld me becu it was ghaloween i culd take as much cnandy as i wanted!*sniff sniff* What's that I smell? Is it… A ridiculous, convenient reason for her _not _ to get arrested? Nah, can't be!

"omg tak this u fckin bastrd rion and u slut rose! We've talked about this, darling. _You _can't call anyone a slut." i scaredm. the candh owner tol me 2 tfu tho so i had to stop srambed. She's stopped screaming? Holy shit, that makes like, once, this entire story… i rhen tok a hole vbunh of andy and aais thnk u andthen wallk bac 2 hogwrts eith my candty. hen i got 2 hogwast i remberde thre was a fest so i nwet 2 the great hal and saw the rfeat. thta dslut rose, tht bastrad hary adn tht toerh basdtsrd ron Is that how your insults work? 'Slut' for girls, and 'bastard' for guys? Also, for the last time – _YOU_. CAN'T. CALL. ANYONE. A. SLUT. i sat by mself andb uesd a poket nife 2 cut muyself uner the table. thnh i loked up. SDUIBMKLDEDOR WA SUITING AT H EFRONT OF THE ROOM.OMFG HE'S SITTING IN THE SAME SPOT HE DOES FOR EVERY FEAST? 

"OMG DUBMDOR IS VIL!" I SCRAEDM… Did you think that kicking _Dumbledore _in the balls was going to just permanently stop him? Should you have, oh I don't know, gone to tell someone about earlier?

"wtf" evry1 els trned 2 loked at me

"stfu he stried 2 kil me 2day!" i saremed

"lire!" thy al shuyted at me

"ron tel mtem!" i scaredm

"i dnt no wat u r taing abut" ron sacred bac 2 me Aaaand Ron wins the douche award. Just like everyone else in this fic.

"tay tht was a haloween prnk!" dubmlefore said bac 2 me

'o" i said bac. i tue tht maks sense. Wait – you think it's _okay_ that a teacher (the headmaster, no less) to make you think they are trying to rape you? SOMEONE MAKE A COMPLAINT ABOUT THIS SCHOOL. then i saw snae

"OMG WT FSNAPE IS THER 2?" i scare I never thought I'd say this, but – me too, Tay. Me too. All together now: SOMEONE PLEASE STAY DEAD IN THIS FIC.

"snapoe inly petrended 2 die 4 a haloween prnk 2" dumblddor said agn 2 me.

"o!" i said thn i at um of the fest. … Okay, seriously how seriously does this school take Halloween pranks? I know, magical school and everything, but I would draw a line at fake-suicide-of-a-teacher... evry1 else atet 2 the frst of the fest then we ad 2 go to b ed. i loked over 2 rose nd noiced tht wshe was goingn 2 up2 the grindfior commum room wutb ron and hrry.Let's think… Maybe it could be because you're constantly abusing them?

"slutr!" i sacremebd Case and point. andb ran don 2 the slitherin commum room by myself. hen i got teer i used my rasor blide 2 cut myseklf. i was so amd at evry1. no1 liekd me anymreo. I WONDER WHY. i kep cuing and cuting. itb hrt mor an mor but ui nevrf noticed.

"I HTE MY LIEF" i sacrembed cuting agin and agin

"NO1 LIKES ME!" i scaremd agin and cuter deper into me.

"I WANT 2 DI! HERE I WILL BE ONLY TOO HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU " i scarmed agin cuting ever deping htis time. then eerything wetn fuzzy.

"OMG NOT AGIN!" i shted b4 fanting. … What happened to wanting to die? You go and give me hope and everything and then bam, 'fanting' again. Is someone magically alerted when she passes out? Shouldn't she die of blood loss after passing out…? 

:RONS PIV:

omg i fel so bad now becuz i jsut had sexc withb ros eaign evn thoi love tay. This is probably an indication to _not _have sex with Rose, then. Just perhaps. this is so stupid. sehb enve4r even lsiten 2 me. but i no i stl love her! i just no it! and she luvs me 2! i siad When did you start saying this out loud?

"FUC U ROS"I think you… just did. and then ran down 2 tbe slithering commum rom. I will say it for the last time – _HOW _did you get in?!

"TAY TAY I AM HER! Who's a her now? Ugh, house changes, feeling changes, life/death changes, gender changes… I can't keep up with all of this. i shotued but no1 answered."TAY!" i shted agin. i ran in2 her room.

"OMFG!" i scaremd. tay wea s laying on the flor with in a pil of blood. i pikced her up adnd took here 2 the hosptial rom wher the nruse gav her a potionWell that was lovely and convenient.

"shel b ok" thje norse said 2 me. How did the Norse get in here? Thor, shoo! We don't need your medical opinion!

'good" i said bac 2 the nourse.

"she jut neds a bit of res" the nurse Oh, we have a nurse now. That's good. adi bac 2 me

"il stay witg her" i sdid bac 2 the nurse.

"gret" the nurse saud vbc 2 me.

so i stod ther and w3atch tay sleep.Wow, do you sparkle, too? All we need is vampires, now… this was al my fault. if i nevr slept witbh rose thenb tay wuldh av evrn cut herslf and evrything wuld be okay aign. i wated wth tay for a cuple hors. then, i loked outside hte widow. thts when i saw dubmelfort Anyone else just think of like… A fort of dumbbells? and sape entering harigds hut.

"wtf r thy doing?" i saidb it was like 4 in the norning.

they wher trying 2 opn up the door 2 hagrids hut. then i ntoiced harids sleiping otu the bac of his hut into hte forbidn foret. jus wen he was out of the site dubmdlefor and snape finaly got theb dor open. the scarembed wen they saw hagrids was gone._WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SCREAMING?_ You'd think after she realized she couldn't hope to spell such a complicated word, the author might _stop_.

"OMFG SNAP AND DUMBDLEOFR R EVIL!" i sared. Where did you get that from? They just tried to find Hagrid. Was it the screaming? If screaming makes you evil, I have some bad news about your ex girlfriend, Ron… it wasnt a haloween prnk after all.

"wqat am i going 2 do?" i sacmrbed agin. just then tay wok up.Probably because of all the screaming. Is Madame Pomfrey going to put a stop to this, or…?

"OMG TAY WE HAV 2 SAV HAGRISD!" i scaredmed.

"why?" tay scared

"beczu snap and dumbldoefor and trying 2 kill him!" i sacermed agin. Of course – the first sign of evil – _going to visit someone! _*cue Psycho music* 

"OMG LETS SO!" tay sscarmewd and 2gethre we ran 2 hagids hut!Honestly, where is Madame Pomfrey? Our lovely protagonist has clearly cut her wrists, someone get her some help or something? 

2 b contienduy (lev NICE COMENTS!Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Hahahahahahaha. Ha… No.

I mean, where's the fun in that?)

HAPPY HASLLOWEEN!


	13. Chapter 13

An: omg i m so sry i havnt wriet anything foer the las WEAK! i awes stating 2 get bord fo the dstry and i thout asbut ending it YES YES YES YES but id wecied nt 2 becuz i liek it Well that makes one of us, darling. and i have ides on ho 2b contine it! No, no I don't like the sound of you and… Ideas. 

XOX

"hagrjd deds ot help!" i scaremed 2 ron SO… MUCH… SCREAMING…

"omwtf?" raon scrambed bac 2 me Okay hold up – Ron was the one to see… Whatever it was that happened with Hagrid. _She _should be the confused one. Just saying.

"we hv 2 go save him!" i scaremed bac 2 ron.

soi then me nand ron ran ot 2 hawtgrids huase in teb outisde ofb thne castle we aw tht nape ansd dubmlrfor wer atcking HagridWHY UGH

" IT U RETQS! … What "I scaremd runing up to them.

"AVDRA KADSVA!" scanremdf 2 me but his soprl mised nme Or just didn't work because he said 'Avdra Kadsva'… and hitb as tre behindbn mne instedf.

"lol ur naidot! HE IS TRYING TO KILL YOU, SWEETHEART. I KNOW IT'S HARD TO CONTROL YOU IMMATURITY SOMETIMES BUT DO TRY."i scaremd 2 snaope who eran at me.

"no!" i scamrfed and dron pujnch snape inb the nuts You are _wizards and witches. _Why is everyone kicking/punching everyone in the groin?

"mmtherfucjker!" snaeo scaremd 2 ron

"retartd" Aaaand slow clap that out, guys. A nice hand for the maturity and seriousness on display here. ron scaremebd bac 2 snape

"shth UP!" dujbmledor saidI don't know who or what you are or what you're doing here but thank you, dujbmledor.

"get the fuc aweyt frm her TYA!" hagirf yeld 2 meBecause this is totally a lethal fight.

"ok!" i sacmed and ran intol the forbind foest! Hold up, where were you before? i keptrunikgn and rinin becbz i was sdosv scare dthast dubmelfr and nsdape wher gogin 2 kol me Okay, I think we all deserve some sort of award for being able to read this – even just get the gist of it. i ketol runikngb ujhtil u nkt realikzed tht ron was sdtil ther. Good job looking out for the love of your life there, honey.

"OMG!" i saremd and sturned around and rhan back

"avda kafvad" What does that spell even _do_? i scamred adn ptined the my wnadb at snae and dumbleofr and it hit them int he ntusand they did.Am I the only one noticing the obsession with maiming people's balls this chick seems to have?

"omg u savd mne ay!" rin said adn he aern over 2 kis me

"no prbm!" i siad bac 2 ron

"we hvs 2 run" hgird said 2 theb both of me tbnad ron. I'd like to just take a minute here to remind everyone how completely ridiculous everything that is going on here actually is. Because otherwise you could actually begin to understand what is happening in this 'story'. In which case, you know that you have finally cracked, and you are left at an intelligence level capable of writing stupidly popular teen novels about sparkling vampires, or really shitty BDSM Twilight fanfiction.

"swhy?" i said bac 2 hagerid

"becu volmdmart wil no u kied dumblkforna At least Dumbledore is still on their side. I don't know if Dumbledore has actually appeared in this story at all, just a lot of really strange people with similar names who keep cropping up. dna snaeop and jhel wnt 2 koll u 2!" hagird bac said 2 me

"OMG NO!" iscarmed adn rstarted 2 cryGET IT TOGETHER.

"dbtn wrry il portct u tayr" ron said vb2 me

"thnx!" i saidb sotping to cry and ghugin ron. I think I might throw up. Also, thanks, blatant sexism and stupid female characters.

"mno problem" ron adi bac 2 me bklushing.

"do u hav any friends u want 2 vav 2 Well that doesn't sound sexual at all…?" hagrd said 2 us

"yes!" I scaremd Aaand the screaming returns. 

"rose!"

"and hry' hary said!… Harry…? I see the author is showing us their magical teleporting skills, apparently.

"oky u bhav 2 go nad get rhtem!" hagri sadi 2 us

"ok we wil!" i scarmed abd me and ron weran ba c23 up 2 ht ecastkle 2 find eorse nad hary. theyb wher in the grindor comun rom pyng cheker.Their best friends have flipped out at them because of a threesome they had and all, shouldn't they be worried or something at least?

"we hav 23 ron You have 23 of him? No, I don't want to hear about your two-person orgy. awy vodemot is comign!" i samred

"omg " rorse said bac 2 me

"lts so!" hary scaredIt's so… What?

theb ther of us rabn dwn 2 hagrid agan.

"o k we ary reding bargid You're… Reading? I thought there was a rush with all of this – Voldemort and such…" i sadi 2 arg id

"god" he hnsaid bac 2 e If she was God, the world would truly be a terrifying place.

"whr r we gonig?" said rose 2 ahrigd

"te forbidebn forts! Are they like, treehouses that no one is allowed in?"harigd said 2 rose

"omg no!" i sacrmed You were in the Forbidden Forest (assuming that's what we mean, rather than prohibited play forts) a couple of minutes ago! And you didn't seem to mind running straight in, and leaving Ron behind fighting Snaep and Dumbleklajsdnfjknasfdore, and his many other similarly-named friends.

"tht plce is dngerous!" ron scrmed

"its the olnlyn p;alceb we r safe! The Hogwarts Castle is pretty damn safe with these sort of things, normally…" hafrirdsadi.

"k lets go!" hatyh said. Well, that was a quick change of heart. I guess everyone in this story just suffers from ridiculous moodswings _all_ the time…

2 b comntieued! (LEV NICE COMENTERS THIS TIE RETARSD AND MNAKE THME SHRT!) Okay, not gonna lie, all I saw there was something about 'this tie' being nice, and making them a shirt.


End file.
